February 2012
14 posts
let it be...
i’m getting ready to leave this house. i will soon be driving toward you. i hate thinking that this might be the last time. that this will be the way that i say goodbye to you. you will look frail in that large hospital bed, and i will be tearing my heart from my chest, and i will reach for your hand with tears in my eyes.
i don’t want you to be in pain. i don’t want you to hold...
you know those days when you can't even find the...
yeah, it’s one of those days.
i think i’ll just listen to orion sing over and over again, and i’ll look at funny pictures of cats on the internet.
Top gear and your troubled breathing.
I know its hard for you to sleep. Much like its hard for me to stay awake tonight. I scratch your frail shoulders, your skin stretched tight over your bones, my nails leaving red marks.
Do you know that you’re still beautiful? Illness and demons cannot take this from you. Your lips are still full and sensuous, and gently pink against your ivory skin. Your eyes are still enigmatic, and I can...
“He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are...”
– Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights
you've got his heart and my heart and none of the...
it’s true, isn’t it?
i’m biting my lip. i’m running my fingers up my ribcage, and i’m remembering your finger nails, your kisses, and the way your lips feel against my own lips that i’m biting. I can taste the saltiness of your skin, feel the smooth lines of your shoulders, the flat planes of your back. i miss you, and i can’t sleep without you.
you...
January 2012
10 posts
“It was my turn to decide. I knew this was our time. No one else will have me...”
– Jimmy Eat World
sometimes it lasts, in love, but sometimes it...
i can’t sleep. and this couch is nothing like your arms. it’s early, or late, because i never really went to bed. fear. it runs me. it keeps me hiding, keeps my mind clouded, keeps me reaching for you in the dark. it’s suffocating, and you aren’t really there, and i’m getting up to go to work again.
i can pour my heart out. i’ll give you the truth. i at least...
there is no way we can be wrong about this...
i refuse to think it. because i am awkward, and you are beautiful. and this isn’t wrong because i am squeezing your hips with my legs, and you are brushing my hair from my face again. you’re so beautiful. you’re wonderful, and i am falling deeper and deeper in love with you with every single second that passes.
i’m done looking. i’m ready to lay it on the line....
December 2011
8 posts
baby, take your time. stop and see for once in...
let my heart pour out. because i at least owe that to you. our relationship has fallen down to what we owe each other. i can see how i’m letting you down. i can see how i look through your eyes. but we can be happy, i see that. i’ve always seen that. the way that i could wake up next to you day after day. that there could be more of what we already know. i can see the fights we have...
“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
– Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights
“We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I...”
low lighting and december air.
i will be here when it’s all done, you know? i will. when it’s over, when we’re done fighting, i’m going to find a way to catch your hand, and i’ll still be here. if i was scared then you’d be the one i would reach out to, the one i would pull toward me and i’d lose myself in your arms.
you make me feel so small, so well kept and indeed special. your lips...
we live on front porches and swing life away.
if love is a labor i’ll slave ‘til the end.
i won’t cross these streets until you hold my hand.
ugh. shark week.
just ugh. i hate shark week. and i’m exhausted.
baby it's cold outside...
i bite my lip. i run my fingers through my hair. i can’t tell if i’m erasing or evoking the feeling of you biting my lip, you running your fingers through my hair. i’m falling short, and this must be failing. but i can’t give you up. can’t walk away. maybe it’s being on someone’s side that makes a marriage work. maybe it’s me vs. you and us vs. the...
November 2011
6 posts
i can’t stop listening to this. over and...
life is nothing but a series of perfect moments...
and with this i will tuck myself in tonight. i will brush my hair from my face, stare straight into the reflection and tell myself it will be fine. because it will be. i’ll be fine.
it doesn’t matter that the accusations are false, that people are misreading. i got into a fight with kyle. he didn’t want me hanging out with gabe, so i blew him off because i hate it when kyle...
That awkward moment when your boyfriends anglo...
ughnatalia:
BITCH I WILL WIPE THAT FUCKING FACE PAINT OFF MYSELF. GTFO
it had to look better than her ugly dog face. i’m sort of a fan of anything that makes her look not like herself. and let’s be honest. it’s not that much more make up than she usually wears.
October 2011
10 posts
you can blame it on me.
it’s going to be ok. because there’s so many things between us, and all of them are necessary. but when i’m with you, we bridge the lives that we lead separately, and we fall deeper and deeper for the one we’ll learn to build together. i can picture it perfectly. i can feel the way it will be walking down the aisle in white, the way your eyes will fill. i can imagine slow...
convo with nat.
“what did kyle say?”
“he said not to talk to him.”
” and what are you doing?”
“speaking of not supposed to, how’s adam?”
knitting and watching SVU.
winning at everything.
your voice was the soundtrack of my summer, do you...
you”ll always be my thunder. so bring on the rain. i hate you for doing this to me. you’re so beautiful. i can’t stand the way i remember it. you’re eyes are the brightest of all the colors. i remember the way they danced against the neon lights of san francisco. i watched you fall in love with me. and you deserve to be happy. and he makes me happier than you could.
but i...
everything dies to you, nothing's alive to you...
i’m afraid i’ll start screaming, and i’ll never stop. i’ve sat tight lipped and silent for 10 years. this weather is beautiful, and i’m hoping i don’t see sun for a few months. i can’t sleep. i can’t dream. my body has rebuilt, and the scars only remain. but i want to rip my skin off, and disassemble my body limb by limb. i want to see the scars,...
September 2011
8 posts
its a funny thing, growing older. we learn to let go, learn when to hang on. learn when we can’t let go, how to live with holding on. it is with this knowledge that i both hold on and let go. i will hold on to every word you ever said to me, and let go of everything that you might have been to me. and watch the colors dissipate, what’s black and white is turning grey. and with this you...
